Steps To Healing Father Wounds


In the first session of this Conference I conducted an overview on what God is like as a father. I’m asking the Lord “How do you want me to do ministry at this congregation?” He said, “This is for the men tonight.”

God said, “For any of the men who have had a broken relationship with their father, I want you to have them stand and come forward. Instead of you praying for them I want you to hug them until I break the spirit of rejection over them.”

I had never heard anything like that from the Lord before. This instruction made me extremely uncomfortable. I didn’t know what was going to happen. Have you ever seen someone come up in line and instead of the minister trying tor push them down or blow on them, just hug them until something breaks inside of them?

That’s unusual, isn’t it? In fact , I still hug guys now and then. We always make jokes about this. The men I hug try to pull away from me in less than ten seconds. It’s like “Okay, you hugged me. Enough is enough.Now get away from me.”


Well, when the Lord first instructed me to do this at a public meeting,  I thought “I don’t want to do this.” Then the Lord said “Get a washcloth and put it over your shoulder.” I thought, “Well that’s different.”

So I  walk up to the first man. I said to everybody, “Hey, we’re going to do this.” I thought everyone would just stay in their seats and we could finish the meeting and go home.

Well, that did not happen. Instead, fifty guys came forward. I walked up to the first guy. I put this rag on my shoulder. He asked “What’s that for?” I said “I don’t know.” So, obeying what the Lord had directed that I should do, I grabbed him.

He was struggling. The Spirit of the Lord came over him. He started sobbing. Now we understood what the rag was for. All of a sudden he was sobbing on my shoulder like a child.

I don’t mean to be graphic, but it’s true – and mucas was coming out of his nose onto the rag. I’m holding him. He’s crying. I can sense the spirit of the Lord is just loving on him. Then I have a sense from the Lord, “You need to get go of him.”

I let go of him. He walked around in a daze like he was experiencing something he’d been longing for had been hidden but now had arrived. But he doesn’t know how to relate to it. He sits down and is still sobbing. The other forty nine guys are just staring at me like deer in the headlights.

I’m looking at them thinking “This is going to be an interesting evening.” Every guy I hug I have to hold them. It really felt like World Federation Wrestling. I wouldn’t let go of them until the spirit of the Lord would break something loose inside of them.

These men were struggling with the love of God. It was difficult for them. As God’s love would touch them, they’d act like “No, I have to be tough.” Our culture teaches men “Don’t ever show tenderness. You got to be tough all the time. Don’t ever let love touch you. Act like you’re tough.”


That kind of “toughness” in our culture is not authentic toughness. It’s artificial, manmade toughness. That whole idea of not letting God’s love touch us at a deeper level shows we’re afraid to live life.

Life is about being loved by a father. When we’re afraid of it, that’s why we don’t want to engage in it. As we were going through this, these men were getting set free at last. The spirit of rejection was starting to be broken off of some of these men for the first time.

By the end of the night – it took over an hour to do this with all these men — they all cried on my shoulder. This rag was sopping wet. After I got done I just had this big, draining wet thing on my shirt.


About the Author:

I am the Chairman and CEO of Plumbline Ministries, the ministry has been around the world for 20 years, teaching and equipping people in the ministry of Jesus to transform families and friends.

I have been married to my wife,Kellie, for thirty-two years. We have three children. We live outside of Kansas City, Misssouri.

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